1 00:00:06,656 --> 00:00:09,658 [Bart] Hey, everybody, look what we got. 2 00:00:09,694 --> 00:00:10,893 [Lisa] A dog! 3 00:00:10,928 --> 00:00:13,028 Something to share our love. 4 00:00:13,064 --> 00:00:14,763 And frighten prowlers. 5 00:00:14,799 --> 00:00:15,998 What's his name? 6 00:00:16,033 --> 00:00:17,633 Number Eight... 7 00:00:17,668 --> 00:00:20,869 I mean, Santa's Little Helper. 8 00:00:20,905 --> 00:00:22,805 Look at him. 9 00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:24,840 He's just a Lil Mister. 10 00:00:24,875 --> 00:00:26,975 I'm gonna love you and smooch you 11 00:00:27,011 --> 00:00:28,977 and use you as a pillow. 12 00:00:29,013 --> 00:00:30,045 -Yeah! -Yeah! 13 00:00:30,081 --> 00:00:31,980 And play with you and ride you to school 14 00:00:32,016 --> 00:00:33,949 and sic you on my enemies. 15 00:00:33,984 --> 00:00:34,983 -Yeah! -Yeah! 16 00:00:35,019 --> 00:00:36,652 And feed you healthy food 17 00:00:36,687 --> 00:00:38,687 and give you plenty of exercise 18 00:00:38,723 --> 00:00:41,857 and teach us all lessons about responsibility. 19 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,893 Yeah! 20 00:00:44,929 --> 00:00:46,862 Absolutely, Marge. 21 00:00:46,897 --> 00:00:49,131 The whole family will pitch in and... 22 00:00:49,166 --> 00:00:51,867 Wha? Oh, my God! It's your first Christmas. 23 00:00:51,902 --> 00:00:53,802 Here, boy, have a gingerbread house. 24 00:00:53,838 --> 00:00:54,803 [sniffs] 25 00:00:56,841 --> 00:00:57,973 [laughter] 26 00:00:58,008 --> 00:00:59,675 [Homer, Bart and Lisa] He loves it! 27 00:01:00,711 --> 00:01:02,711 [Marge] Family meeting! 28 00:01:02,747 --> 00:01:05,013 Why is the dog wearing a swim diaper? 29 00:01:06,817 --> 00:01:08,984 It's too cold to take him outside. 30 00:01:09,019 --> 00:01:10,886 And he loves it. 31 00:01:10,921 --> 00:01:11,987 [both belch] 32 00:01:12,022 --> 00:01:15,023 [Marge] Family meeting. 33 00:01:15,059 --> 00:01:17,626 So now he's eating at the table? 34 00:01:19,029 --> 00:01:20,963 He can't eat under the table 35 00:01:20,998 --> 00:01:23,799 because that's where he threw up his waffles. 36 00:01:23,834 --> 00:01:24,900 Watch this. 37 00:01:24,935 --> 00:01:25,901 Gobble-gobble! 38 00:01:28,038 --> 00:01:29,705 [laughs] 39 00:01:29,740 --> 00:01:30,973 He loves it. 40 00:01:34,044 --> 00:01:35,778 [groans] 41 00:01:35,813 --> 00:01:37,846 Family meeting. 42 00:01:38,883 --> 00:01:40,015 Family? 43 00:01:40,050 --> 00:01:42,684 [Homer and kids laughing] 44 00:01:43,754 --> 00:01:44,920 [tires screech] 45 00:01:46,791 --> 00:01:49,792 Oh, it's Mom. Back up, back up, back up! 46 00:01:49,827 --> 00:01:50,826 [tires screech] 47 00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:52,761 [Homer, Bart and Lisa] He loves it! 48 00:01:55,099 --> 00:01:57,065 Nothing calms me down like making 49 00:01:57,101 --> 00:01:59,768 a fresh batch of ambrosia salad 50 00:01:59,804 --> 00:02:01,837 with plenty of grapes. 51 00:02:01,872 --> 00:02:03,872 Oh, and a plunk of mayo 52 00:02:03,908 --> 00:02:05,741 to make my day-o. 53 00:02:07,111 --> 00:02:08,744 [gasps] 54 00:02:08,779 --> 00:02:09,912 No! 55 00:02:09,947 --> 00:02:11,079 No, no, no, no, no! 56 00:02:11,115 --> 00:02:12,915 Bad boy! [gasps] 57 00:02:12,950 --> 00:02:14,783 Wait. Alexa, 58 00:02:14,819 --> 00:02:17,085 are grapes toxic to dogs? 59 00:02:17,121 --> 00:02:19,688 [Alexa] What the hell did you do, lady? 60 00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:20,923 [yelps] 61 00:02:23,894 --> 00:02:25,661 You got to help my dog. 62 00:02:25,696 --> 00:02:27,830 Take a number, we'll be with you as soon as possible. 63 00:02:27,865 --> 00:02:30,032 But he ate a whole ambrosia. 64 00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:31,867 With grapes. 65 00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:34,670 What the hell did you do, lady? Code Purple! 66 00:02:34,705 --> 00:02:35,737 [alarm blaring] 67 00:02:35,773 --> 00:02:37,706 Give me 30cc's of palastamin, 68 00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:39,908 four heliostic probes, and the most ultrarealistic, 69 00:02:39,944 --> 00:02:41,810 gory-looking stomach pump we've got. 70 00:02:41,846 --> 00:02:43,812 Where's the nice mousy intern who always maintains 71 00:02:43,848 --> 00:02:46,648 her youthful optimism in the face of constant trauma? 72 00:02:46,684 --> 00:02:48,050 That would be me. May I say-- 73 00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:49,885 Shut up. We have a greyhound to save. 74 00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:52,821 Who's a good boy? You're a good boy. 75 00:02:52,857 --> 00:02:54,590 Cram that tube down his throat! 76 00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:57,860 -Mrs. Simpson? -Yes? 77 00:02:57,895 --> 00:02:59,928 I need you to answer me honestly. 78 00:02:59,964 --> 00:03:02,631 How many grapes did you put in that ambrosia? 79 00:03:02,666 --> 00:03:04,633 The recipe calls for two dozen. 80 00:03:04,668 --> 00:03:07,669 24? You gave him 24 grapes? 81 00:03:07,705 --> 00:03:09,872 But one rolled under the refrigerator. 82 00:03:09,907 --> 00:03:11,640 Oh, thank God. 83 00:03:11,675 --> 00:03:12,975 Then we got 'em all. 84 00:03:13,010 --> 00:03:14,810 We got 'em all! 85 00:03:14,845 --> 00:03:16,044 [cheering] 86 00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:18,814 Your pup is going to be just fine. 87 00:03:18,849 --> 00:03:21,016 Oh, thank God. 88 00:03:21,051 --> 00:03:24,853 If you'll excuse me, I have to go to a quiet room and cry 89 00:03:24,889 --> 00:03:26,755 because of what you did. 90 00:03:26,790 --> 00:03:29,725 [sobbing] 91 00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:32,861 Ambrosia! 92 00:03:32,897 --> 00:03:34,997 -There's my little mis... Ooh! -[barks] 93 00:03:35,032 --> 00:03:36,665 -[panting] -Hi, my name is Adrienne. 94 00:03:36,700 --> 00:03:38,667 I'm the staff nutritionist and trainer. 95 00:03:38,702 --> 00:03:41,069 You want your dog to live a long time, don't you? 96 00:03:41,105 --> 00:03:43,005 [strained] You betcha! 97 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:45,774 Then he'll need to lose a lot of weight. 98 00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:47,943 He's what we in the canine wellness field call 99 00:03:47,978 --> 00:03:49,111 "Damn, that dog's fat." 100 00:03:51,048 --> 00:03:52,981 The best way to get a greyhound back in shape 101 00:03:53,017 --> 00:03:54,783 is to get his diet under control 102 00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:56,018 and then through agility training 103 00:03:56,053 --> 00:03:57,886 and maybe even competitions. 104 00:03:57,922 --> 00:04:00,989 Ooh, I fave videos of those. 105 00:04:01,025 --> 00:04:02,724 Let's see how you do, boy. Follow me. 106 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:03,792 [blows whistle] 107 00:04:03,827 --> 00:04:05,761 ["Far from Over" by Frank Stallone playing] 108 00:04:09,033 --> 00:04:10,966 [music slows] 109 00:04:14,104 --> 00:04:16,772 [music distorts, stops] 110 00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:19,775 Maybe this isn't for him. 111 00:04:19,810 --> 00:04:21,109 Okay, straight talk? 112 00:04:21,145 --> 00:04:23,879 Your dog is chonky, but he doesn't have 113 00:04:23,914 --> 00:04:25,781 to become a chonkster. 114 00:04:25,816 --> 00:04:27,816 If you sign him up for my program, 115 00:04:27,851 --> 00:04:30,085 we can make sure he's around for a long time. 116 00:04:31,755 --> 00:04:33,021 Let's do it. 117 00:04:33,057 --> 00:04:34,856 [Santa's Little Helper barks] 118 00:04:34,892 --> 00:04:36,858 ? Back in the race ? 119 00:04:38,829 --> 00:04:42,931 ? I'm movin' in and I am getting closer ? 120 00:04:44,001 --> 00:04:45,901 ? I'm diggin' in ? 121 00:04:47,137 --> 00:04:51,673 ? I want it more than anything I've wanted ? 122 00:04:53,043 --> 00:04:56,011 ? Save me, darling ? 123 00:04:56,046 --> 00:05:00,148 ? I am down, but I am far from over. ? 124 00:05:00,184 --> 00:05:02,918 [crowd cheers and applauds] 125 00:05:02,953 --> 00:05:05,053 We won again. 126 00:05:05,089 --> 00:05:06,688 Good job, boy. 127 00:05:06,724 --> 00:05:07,789 Here, finish my hot dog. 128 00:05:07,825 --> 00:05:08,790 -No. -Huh? 129 00:05:08,826 --> 00:05:10,625 He has to stay healthy. 130 00:05:10,661 --> 00:05:14,029 He qualified for the nationals in Philadelphia. 131 00:05:14,064 --> 00:05:16,732 A trip to Philadelphia? 132 00:05:16,767 --> 00:05:18,033 I can see where the Founding Fathers 133 00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:19,935 signed the Constitution. 134 00:05:19,970 --> 00:05:22,070 And I can crack the other side of the Liberty Bell 135 00:05:22,106 --> 00:05:23,939 and finish the job. 136 00:05:23,974 --> 00:05:26,942 Philadelphia, my kind of town. 137 00:05:26,977 --> 00:05:29,778 Throwing ice balls at Santa Claus, 138 00:05:29,813 --> 00:05:31,713 climbing greasy streetlamps. 139 00:05:31,749 --> 00:05:34,983 The city where Lenny Dykstra learned to be crazy. 140 00:05:35,019 --> 00:05:38,920 Where every steak is cheesed and every tush is pushed. 141 00:05:38,956 --> 00:05:40,088 Even though I've never been, 142 00:05:40,124 --> 00:05:43,959 I feel like I was born there and I never left. 143 00:05:43,994 --> 00:05:45,861 But I'm not gonna die there. 144 00:05:45,896 --> 00:05:48,096 Oh, no, not Homer Simpson. 145 00:05:48,132 --> 00:05:50,699 You'll see. I'll show 'em all! 146 00:05:50,734 --> 00:05:52,734 I guess what I'm trying to say is: 147 00:05:52,770 --> 00:05:54,736 the Simpsons are going to Philadel-- 148 00:05:54,772 --> 00:05:55,737 [blows whistle] 149 00:05:55,773 --> 00:05:56,838 Sit! 150 00:05:56,874 --> 00:05:59,875 This dog is only healthy because I saved him 151 00:05:59,910 --> 00:06:01,777 from your dangerous pampering. 152 00:06:01,812 --> 00:06:05,714 So I'm keeping him far away from you bad influences. 153 00:06:05,749 --> 00:06:08,850 The Simpson is going to Philadelphia. 154 00:06:08,886 --> 00:06:10,752 Simp-son. 155 00:06:10,788 --> 00:06:12,020 [Lisa, Homer and Bart whimpering] 156 00:06:15,675 --> 00:06:17,609 ? ? 157 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,646 [tires screech] 158 00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:26,718 Yo, welcome to the Hotel Philadelphia. 159 00:06:26,754 --> 00:06:30,822 We offer 24-hour room service from our full Boyz II Menu, 160 00:06:30,858 --> 00:06:33,592 and if you need a water or any other jawn, 161 00:06:33,627 --> 00:06:35,527 just ring the Patti LaBelle 162 00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:36,862 and we'll send a jabroni right up. 163 00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:38,864 So Philadelphia. 164 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:41,767 Are the beds made of cream cheese? 165 00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:44,703 The cream cheese ain't got nothing to do with this town. 166 00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,872 It's just a name. Have some class. 167 00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:49,608 Now, would you like the Silver Linings Playbook room 168 00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:50,876 or the Fresh Prince suite? 169 00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:51,977 Fresh Prince. 170 00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:55,514 We can chill out, max, and relax all cool. 171 00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:56,681 Right, Lil Mister? 172 00:06:56,717 --> 00:06:57,849 [barks] 173 00:06:57,885 --> 00:07:01,520 And where would you like me to put the Big Mister? 174 00:07:01,555 --> 00:07:02,854 [Homer whimpers] 175 00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:04,823 Are we there yet? 176 00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:08,693 You stowed away for an 18-hour drive? 177 00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:10,729 Ugh, just send him to the room. 178 00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:12,464 Come on, boy. 179 00:07:12,499 --> 00:07:13,832 And I thought I'd surprise you 180 00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:15,801 by coming along and supporting you 181 00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:17,736 and our furry fella as he tries to win 182 00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:18,937 the Kentucky Derby. 183 00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:21,706 I swear, I'm only here for you. 184 00:07:21,742 --> 00:07:23,542 [groans] 185 00:07:23,577 --> 00:07:24,943 What is that paper? 186 00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:26,545 Paper? [gulps] 187 00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:27,679 [muffled] What paper? 188 00:07:27,714 --> 00:07:29,614 Homer, release. 189 00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:30,782 [grunts] 190 00:07:31,852 --> 00:07:35,620 "Awesome things for me to do in Philadelphia. 191 00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:39,724 "Eat cheesesteaks, hoagies, pretzels, water ice. 192 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,960 Rip off a piece of Jason Kelce's beard"? 193 00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:46,631 Oh, how is a dirtbag tour of the city supporting the dog? 194 00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:48,567 And what's with these batteries? 195 00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:50,602 To throw at people I don't like. 196 00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:53,672 They do that here instead of punching people they don't like. 197 00:07:53,707 --> 00:07:54,706 But they do that, too. 198 00:07:54,741 --> 00:07:56,975 [growling] 199 00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:59,578 Aw, he loves... 200 00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:00,779 it? 201 00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:01,847 [Marge grunts] 202 00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:04,749 We have a competition to win. 203 00:08:04,785 --> 00:08:06,585 If you really want to support me, 204 00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:09,721 stay the hell away and don't screw this up for us! 205 00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:12,791 [groans] 206 00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:19,831 This is it, everything we've been working for. 207 00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:21,933 It's all led to this, 208 00:08:21,969 --> 00:08:24,669 the first of five qualifying rounds. 209 00:08:24,705 --> 00:08:26,872 Ooh. 210 00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:30,508 [announcer] Next up is a newcomer from Springfield, U.S.A. 211 00:08:30,544 --> 00:08:32,544 Santa's Little Helper. There he goes! 212 00:08:32,579 --> 00:08:33,912 ["Far from Over" by Frank Stallone playing] 213 00:08:37,885 --> 00:08:39,985 With a terrific time, he jumps into the arms 214 00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:42,520 of the woman who made it all possible, 215 00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:45,891 his beloved trainer Adrienne Gesstar. 216 00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:47,959 I drove him here. 217 00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:50,829 I don't even wanna do any of this stuff now. 218 00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:52,564 Being told I'm selfish 219 00:08:52,599 --> 00:08:55,901 takes all the fun out of only thinking about myself. 220 00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:57,636 [knock on door] 221 00:08:57,671 --> 00:09:00,605 Mr. Simpson? We urgently need to speak to you 222 00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:03,608 on a matter of grave historical importance. 223 00:09:03,644 --> 00:09:04,709 [screams] Nerds! 224 00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:06,678 No, no, my colleagues and I are 225 00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:09,648 the "Historians of America's Great Inventors 226 00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:11,516 and Enlightened Men." 227 00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:13,785 [Homer] Ooh, hoagie men. 228 00:09:13,820 --> 00:09:16,755 It's true, and one of the most confounding puzzles 229 00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:21,593 in American history can be solved by your dog. 230 00:09:21,628 --> 00:09:23,695 It's all explained in this simple diagram. 231 00:09:24,765 --> 00:09:26,698 Oh, interesting. 232 00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:28,533 I see. 233 00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:31,636 You three are nutjobs. 234 00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:33,838 It is imperative that we locate your dog. 235 00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:35,740 He is a national treasure. 236 00:09:35,776 --> 00:09:37,542 Or, to be more technical, 237 00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,811 canis ex machina. 238 00:09:39,846 --> 00:09:43,682 The dog's not here, nutjobs. He's with my wife at the... 239 00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:44,749 [Homer thinking] Homer, think. 240 00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:45,917 You can't let these nutjobs 241 00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:48,553 find Marge at the dog show or they'll ruin 242 00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,689 everything she worked so hard for. 243 00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:51,890 Wait, wait. 244 00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:54,993 This is my chance to actually support my wife, 245 00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:57,629 just like I lied I would. 246 00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:01,900 Um, my wife and dog are sight-seeing. 247 00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:05,670 Tell me what, you fill me in on the highly plausible things 248 00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:08,907 your perfectly normal brain is telling you about my dog 249 00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:11,977 while we look for them at all these amazing places. 250 00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:17,749 250 years ago, Philadelphia was home 251 00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,884 to America's greatest statesman, diplomat 252 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:22,020 and inventor: Benjamin Franklin. 253 00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:24,789 Wow, amazing. 254 00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:26,791 But the thing about Benjamin Franklin-- 255 00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:28,927 -Who's that? -We just told you. 256 00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:30,695 He play for the Sixers? 257 00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:34,666 He had another talent that only we know about. 258 00:10:34,701 --> 00:10:35,834 He was a thief. 259 00:10:35,869 --> 00:10:39,838 While pretending to negotiate the Treaty of Paris, 260 00:10:39,873 --> 00:10:41,940 Franklin stole millions in gold 261 00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,842 from the Palace of Versailles. 262 00:10:43,877 --> 00:10:45,977 And smuggled it home in the brassieres 263 00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:48,780 of his various mistresses! 264 00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,015 ? Matter of fact, I been keeping it cool... ? 265 00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:54,619 He only trusted one member of his inner circle 266 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:57,922 to help hide his ill-gotten treasure! 267 00:10:57,958 --> 00:11:00,792 His beloved greyhound. 268 00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:04,596 But wait, Benjamin Franklin never had a greyhound, you say. 269 00:11:04,631 --> 00:11:06,831 -I do? -Well, that's where you're wrong! 270 00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:09,934 Franklin hid his connection to this amazing breed 271 00:11:09,970 --> 00:11:12,804 until we discovered this. 272 00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:16,608 It's true. Your dog is a direct descendant 273 00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:19,010 of Franklin's greyhounds, and he will lead us 274 00:11:19,046 --> 00:11:20,879 to this very key, 275 00:11:20,914 --> 00:11:24,883 which will unlock the vault containing Franklin's millions. 276 00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:27,919 A vault hidden somewhere here 277 00:11:27,954 --> 00:11:29,988 in the City of Brotherly Love. 278 00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:33,625 Uh, Pittsburgh? 279 00:11:33,660 --> 00:11:34,859 [groaning] 280 00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:38,663 I'm proud of you, boy. 281 00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:40,732 You worked so hard today. 282 00:11:40,767 --> 00:11:43,735 Hey, let's have some fun with other doggies. 283 00:11:43,770 --> 00:11:44,903 [dogs barking happily] 284 00:11:46,606 --> 00:11:48,807 No, no, no. No time for play. 285 00:11:48,842 --> 00:11:50,041 We have to stay focused. 286 00:11:50,077 --> 00:11:52,577 Oh, you're-you're right. Of course. 287 00:11:52,612 --> 00:11:55,013 Come with me, we're going to a very special place 288 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,649 for only the most important dogs. 289 00:11:58,718 --> 00:11:59,784 -[blows whistle] -[whines softly] 290 00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:05,824 Okay, you got your picture in front of the Rocky statue. 291 00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:07,725 Now let's do the other ones. 292 00:12:07,761 --> 00:12:10,628 Look, Homer, your dog is the key to finding a treasure 293 00:12:10,664 --> 00:12:13,598 that the human mind can barely comprehend. 294 00:12:13,633 --> 00:12:14,866 Do you understand that? 295 00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:17,569 I understood "barely comprehend." 296 00:12:17,604 --> 00:12:20,738 Take us to your dog! 297 00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:22,540 Yeah, look, nerds, 298 00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:23,875 as much as I love to keep humoring you, 299 00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:25,009 here's the truth. 300 00:12:25,045 --> 00:12:26,978 You're crazy. There's no treasure. 301 00:12:27,013 --> 00:12:28,980 My dog's just a regular dog, 302 00:12:29,015 --> 00:12:31,950 and I've spent the whole day smartly keeping you away 303 00:12:31,985 --> 00:12:34,619 -from him and my wife. -There they are! 304 00:12:35,722 --> 00:12:36,688 [gasps] 305 00:12:36,723 --> 00:12:37,889 Canis ex machina. 306 00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,858 H.O.A.G.I.E.S. roll! 307 00:12:44,831 --> 00:12:45,964 Um, Adrienne? 308 00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:49,667 Why did you take us to a colonial firefighting exhibit? 309 00:12:49,703 --> 00:12:51,736 Marge, do you know who started 310 00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:54,639 the first volunteer fire company in America? 311 00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:56,741 -It was-- -Benjamin Franklin. 312 00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,042 -You. -You. 313 00:12:58,078 --> 00:12:59,711 -Them? -[all] Us. 314 00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:01,513 -Marge! -Homer! 315 00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:04,682 These crazies think our dog is George Washington's grandson. 316 00:13:04,718 --> 00:13:06,651 I was trying to keep them away from you. 317 00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:08,520 Well, you did a great job. 318 00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:11,589 That's very kind, but no, I didn't. I failed. 319 00:13:11,625 --> 00:13:12,690 Hey, can I get your help? 320 00:13:12,726 --> 00:13:14,692 These lunatics keep stalking me. 321 00:13:14,728 --> 00:13:15,927 We're not lunatics. 322 00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:17,695 That dog is sacred. 323 00:13:17,731 --> 00:13:20,565 He's gonna lead us to Franklin's treasure. 324 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:22,534 Get outta here, you dirts. 325 00:13:22,569 --> 00:13:24,536 Ugh, dog people, am I right? 326 00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:26,771 [gasps] No, no, no, no, no! 327 00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:29,007 Not our nation's first fire hydrant. 328 00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:30,875 We don't pee on history. 329 00:13:30,911 --> 00:13:34,579 But, Marge, his pee is history. 330 00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:36,681 Benjamin Franklin bred his greyhounds 331 00:13:36,716 --> 00:13:38,716 to have a special urinary enzyme 332 00:13:38,752 --> 00:13:40,952 that could reveal secret messages he wrote 333 00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:43,555 as to the location of his gold. 334 00:13:43,590 --> 00:13:45,690 Oh, my God. You're the same amount of crazy 335 00:13:45,725 --> 00:13:46,925 as those other crazies. 336 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,526 Am I? 337 00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:52,730 [Marge] "Hasten to the first sewer and west, 338 00:13:52,766 --> 00:13:55,567 so with the lightning key be blessed." 339 00:13:55,602 --> 00:13:58,036 That's where we'll find the key to Franklin's gold. 340 00:13:58,071 --> 00:13:59,771 Let's go, boy. 341 00:13:59,806 --> 00:14:02,640 Adrienne, you're not going anywhere with my dog. 342 00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:03,641 [blows whistle] 343 00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:04,776 Betray! 344 00:14:04,811 --> 00:14:06,711 [whining] 345 00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:12,784 He chose her. 346 00:14:12,819 --> 00:14:14,953 [crying] 347 00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:17,922 Adrienne! 348 00:14:21,777 --> 00:14:24,145 Santa's Little Helper chose that treasure-hunting 349 00:14:24,180 --> 00:14:26,047 canine nutritionist over me. 350 00:14:26,082 --> 00:14:29,117 [crying] I want my dog back. 351 00:14:30,453 --> 00:14:33,388 Okay, Marge, we're gonna get him back. 352 00:14:33,423 --> 00:14:35,390 If we just solve this piddle riddle, 353 00:14:35,425 --> 00:14:37,358 we'll know where Adrienne took him. 354 00:14:39,029 --> 00:14:41,029 We'll never figure this out. 355 00:14:41,064 --> 00:14:43,298 Yeah, we're not smart like Lisa 356 00:14:43,333 --> 00:14:45,099 or evil like Bart. 357 00:14:45,135 --> 00:14:48,069 [gasps] Family meeting! 358 00:14:48,104 --> 00:14:50,438 Having fun without us? 359 00:14:50,473 --> 00:14:53,441 Oh, that's where Dad is. 360 00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:57,211 Smarty, criminal, figure out what this message means. 361 00:14:57,247 --> 00:14:59,414 "Hasten to the first 'sew-er' and west, 362 00:14:59,449 --> 00:15:03,051 so with the lightning key be blessed?" 363 00:15:03,086 --> 00:15:05,353 It's pronounced "sewer," genius. 364 00:15:05,388 --> 00:15:07,088 [gasps] No, it's not. 365 00:15:07,123 --> 00:15:09,424 "Sewer," as in "one who sews." 366 00:15:09,459 --> 00:15:11,225 It must mean Betsy Ross, 367 00:15:11,261 --> 00:15:12,961 who sewed the first American flag 368 00:15:12,996 --> 00:15:15,163 in Philadelphia in 1777. 369 00:15:15,198 --> 00:15:19,200 That scheming trainer must be headed to Betsy Ross's house. 370 00:15:19,235 --> 00:15:22,236 [gasps] That's on 239 Arch Street. 371 00:15:22,272 --> 00:15:24,005 How'd you know that? 372 00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:25,440 I passed it a bunch of times today 373 00:15:25,475 --> 00:15:28,176 while trying to find M. Night Shyamalan's grave. 374 00:15:28,211 --> 00:15:30,311 But, in a crazy twist, 375 00:15:30,347 --> 00:15:33,214 he's still alive. 376 00:15:33,249 --> 00:15:35,249 And I know just how to get us there. 377 00:15:35,285 --> 00:15:38,286 Our next stop on our Segway through Philadelphia history 378 00:15:38,321 --> 00:15:41,456 is a reenactment of the Battle of Broad Street, 379 00:15:41,491 --> 00:15:44,425 also known as the Super Bowl LII riot. 380 00:15:44,461 --> 00:15:49,163 And now, I take you all the way back to the year 2018. 381 00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:50,331 And... 382 00:15:50,367 --> 00:15:52,200 Eagles win! 383 00:15:52,235 --> 00:15:53,368 [air horn blows] 384 00:15:53,403 --> 00:15:56,304 [people shouting] 385 00:16:00,210 --> 00:16:02,377 ? ? 386 00:16:02,412 --> 00:16:05,013 We have to go through that Mummers Parade. 387 00:16:05,048 --> 00:16:07,048 No time for a set piece. 388 00:16:07,083 --> 00:16:08,316 Double back. 389 00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:13,121 This is it. Where's the dog? 390 00:16:14,257 --> 00:16:16,124 [muffled barking] 391 00:16:16,159 --> 00:16:18,259 The bark's coming from the direction 392 00:16:18,294 --> 00:16:21,062 of this warm 18th-century lever that looks like 393 00:16:21,097 --> 00:16:22,964 it was recently pulled. 394 00:16:22,999 --> 00:16:24,165 [both shout] 395 00:16:25,301 --> 00:16:26,434 [coughs] 396 00:16:31,107 --> 00:16:32,306 Homer? 397 00:16:32,342 --> 00:16:34,208 [Homer] Stuck! Too fat 398 00:16:34,244 --> 00:16:37,011 for colonial tubes! 399 00:16:37,047 --> 00:16:39,080 [Adrienne] Ah, just in time, Marge. 400 00:16:39,115 --> 00:16:41,382 Now that my dog has led me here, 401 00:16:41,418 --> 00:16:43,317 he'll retrieve the very key 402 00:16:43,353 --> 00:16:46,320 to unlock Franklin's lost treasure. 403 00:16:54,264 --> 00:16:58,232 You see? This is what I've been training him for. 404 00:16:58,268 --> 00:17:01,302 Time for the real dog show. 405 00:17:01,337 --> 00:17:02,370 [blows whistle] 406 00:17:02,405 --> 00:17:05,106 ? ? 407 00:17:18,455 --> 00:17:20,388 The key! [laughs] 408 00:17:20,423 --> 00:17:22,957 You found it! Come! 409 00:17:22,992 --> 00:17:25,393 If he takes another step on that thing, it'll collapse! 410 00:17:25,428 --> 00:17:26,994 Stay! 411 00:17:27,030 --> 00:17:27,995 Come! 412 00:17:28,031 --> 00:17:29,163 Stay! 413 00:17:29,199 --> 00:17:33,000 Sorry, Marge, but I'm the one with the whistle. 414 00:17:35,405 --> 00:17:36,971 [inhales] 415 00:17:37,006 --> 00:17:39,207 Ow! What was that? 416 00:17:39,242 --> 00:17:41,175 A D cell, otherwise known 417 00:17:41,211 --> 00:17:43,211 as a Philadelphia handshake. 418 00:17:43,246 --> 00:17:45,279 Game over, lady. 419 00:17:45,315 --> 00:17:47,248 Ha! Nice try. 420 00:17:49,319 --> 00:17:51,185 -[blows whistle] -No! 421 00:17:51,221 --> 00:17:54,288 Santa's Little Helper, I'm your mommy. 422 00:17:54,324 --> 00:17:57,125 I introduced you to bone broth. 423 00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:58,292 The whole family wanted 424 00:17:58,328 --> 00:18:01,062 to dye you green for St. Patrick's Day, 425 00:18:01,097 --> 00:18:04,031 and I'm the one who said no. 426 00:18:04,067 --> 00:18:06,067 We need you alive, 427 00:18:06,102 --> 00:18:09,370 so I'm begging you, just stay. 428 00:18:12,075 --> 00:18:15,042 [gasps] That's my boy. 429 00:18:15,078 --> 00:18:17,211 I'm not leaving here without that key! 430 00:18:18,114 --> 00:18:19,046 [grunts] 431 00:18:20,116 --> 00:18:22,083 [rumbling] 432 00:18:28,191 --> 00:18:29,223 [yelps] 433 00:18:30,293 --> 00:18:33,094 Go Birds...! 434 00:18:33,129 --> 00:18:35,163 [loud crash] 435 00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:43,237 Lil Mister? Where are you? 436 00:18:45,308 --> 00:18:47,308 I don't think he made it. 437 00:18:47,343 --> 00:18:49,010 This is my fault. 438 00:18:49,045 --> 00:18:51,179 All this crazy diet and training 439 00:18:51,214 --> 00:18:53,381 was because I wanted him to live longer, 440 00:18:53,416 --> 00:18:55,383 and now he's gone. 441 00:18:55,418 --> 00:18:59,120 I was so stupid. Having any pet is stupid. 442 00:18:59,155 --> 00:19:01,189 When we got Santa's Little Helper, 443 00:19:01,224 --> 00:19:04,392 we didn't just say, "Yes, I'd like to rescue this dog." 444 00:19:04,427 --> 00:19:07,061 We said, "Hi, I volunteer 445 00:19:07,096 --> 00:19:09,964 "to have my heart ripped out of my chest some day 446 00:19:09,999 --> 00:19:13,134 "because no matter how much time we get to have together, 447 00:19:13,169 --> 00:19:15,136 it will never be enough." 448 00:19:15,171 --> 00:19:16,971 [sobbing] 449 00:19:17,006 --> 00:19:19,974 He's looking down on us from above. 450 00:19:20,009 --> 00:19:22,310 No, he's not. I never got him christened. 451 00:19:22,345 --> 00:19:24,378 He's in doggie limbo. 452 00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:26,981 No, real above. 453 00:19:31,287 --> 00:19:32,420 He made it! 454 00:19:32,455 --> 00:19:34,388 Now we just have to get him down. 455 00:19:34,424 --> 00:19:37,158 You just leave that to me. 456 00:19:37,193 --> 00:19:38,226 Gobble-gobble! 457 00:19:43,032 --> 00:19:44,966 [crashing] 458 00:19:47,303 --> 00:19:48,336 -[crashing] -[glass shatters] 459 00:19:56,045 --> 00:19:57,278 Let's get you home. 460 00:19:57,313 --> 00:19:59,480 You already have the key to my heart. 461 00:19:59,515 --> 00:20:02,116 Who could possibly want anything else? 462 00:20:06,356 --> 00:20:07,355 [barks inquisitively] 463 00:20:07,390 --> 00:20:08,422 [sniffing] 464 00:20:20,303 --> 00:20:21,502 [barks] 465 00:20:21,537 --> 00:20:23,404 Yeah, sure, you can drive. 466 00:20:23,439 --> 00:20:25,373 He loves it. 467 00:20:28,144 --> 00:20:30,378 ? ? 468 00:20:30,413 --> 00:20:32,380 Captioning sponsored by 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION 469 00:20:32,415 --> 00:20:34,415 and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 470 00:20:34,450 --> 00:20:36,417 and TOYOTA. 471 00:20:36,452 --> 00:20:39,020 Captioned by